Posts (page 2)

It's been a while since I wrote about stuff happening in my life so now is the time of updating!

I passed all my courses.

Then it was christmas.
I got an electric guitar, a Squier Strat, and a Fender Frontman amp. Been practicing with it, it's fun :3
Also, got games and the usual shirts and stuff.

And work hadn't scheduled me for a couple weeks cause I took 2 weeks off for finals and they decided they need me more on days now so they gave me a couple more weeks. Which rocks.

Been pullin like 48 hour video game binges, hung out with friends, saw the movie 'the spirit'.

Back to games and stuff.

Also, happy new year!

I took a couple quizzes over the past few weeks:

I took the quiz again a bit later and got a slightly different result:

How Randomly Cute Is Your Personality?

Sad Cute Awww seems as if your personality is only randomly cute when you are sad. Your friends seem to just give you a bandaid. Want a hug? :(

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well. At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn. Your Fixation: Envy Your Primary Fear: To have no identity Your Primary Desire: To find yourself Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

so, how come Hitler and Hussein are so hated and condemned when Israel HAS BEEN AND CURRENTLY IS COMMITTING GENOCIDE?

Once again, it all comes down to this.

As of right now, I don't quantitatively know where I stand in any of my courses.
Whereas in previous semesters I actually had an idea. I'm pretty sure that it's gonna be really close for some of my courses.
I really should have quit at the beginning of this semester. If I didn't need the money so badly, I would have. And even if I HAD quit, I'm not even 100% sure that would have changed things. Since I tend to not be able to get anything done or even attempt things when I'm not stressing and working under pressure.
Unfortunately I do not deal with stress very well. And I have this tendancy to push people away when I'm really stressed. And I get snappy and yell at people I shouldn't yell at. Of course, this doesn't help at all and just makes things way worse. For some odd reason (and I may have mentioned this before) when I'm working on stuff or studying, I tend to get really lonely (the not ever going out and seeing people definitely doesn't help with this). Once I decide to call it a night, I find everyone (chat contacts) has already left. So I feel even worse.

This weekend, I worked on the tank game on saturday and the real time operating system on sunday. I didn't even have any time left over to touch DMAC or Industrial or Web Development.

With the tank game, I heavily optimized the 3d client (obviously there are things I've missed BUT it no longer keeps eating more and more memory). I also messed around with transforms and making the world smaller to make the object bigger and rotating the world to cause the object to appear rotated. I didn't even think about eating until I smelled something in my room and found someone had brought me pizza. And even then, it took a lot of effort to pull away from the code long enough to eat. Mathmatically (and math isn't my strong point), the obstacles should be rendering where they belong (I translated their coordinates and dimensions from gdi+ into the Direct3D left handed cartesian coordinates). But collision detection is telling me they are slightly off. And since the server knows ABSOLUTELY where things are and controls positioning, it means I fucked up somewhere.

Sunday... well, I ended up stepping through my assembly code instruction by instruction. At one point I was checking the output of the assembler against the hex opcode reference to make sure the problems weren't caused by the assembler having weird behavior on different systems. I caught a couple things the prof didn't even catch. So the RTOS is partially working. And I basically wrote code until my wrists caught on fire and then I had to take a bit of a break because I need those wrists.

I also had to take my room down to 11.5c since I had a couple extra systems on. Also I had really loud music on. And it was awesome. I truely was in my element. If I hadn't actually been doing work it would have been a lot more fun.

So, I still need to get that power plant control website working. All the backend stuff is pretty much done. It's just the tying everything together with a professional looking interface that is left for that (the hard part). I suppose I could actually fail that course because I didn't do the Flash section cause they wouldn't let me just write code. I had to use their stupid program.
I still need to write a report on the chemical plant control system I wrote. And then write the manual for it.
DMAC labs still need to get done (this is one of the courses I'm really worried about failing since I'm so behind).
Windows programming... well, there's the tank game. Other than that I've excelled in that course, acing all the lab exams. The only problem... is if Simon actually enforces his rule he made about deducting 20% of the final course mark for being over 15 minutes late... If he does, I will likely fail that course. So I plan on fighting it.

This week is the week when everything is due. This week is the week with almost all the exams.
This week is the week that will either lead to my victory or to my defeat and ultimately, to my destruction.

The one good thing about the weekend is that a couple old internet friends got in touch with me. And that let me survive the weekend.

Strangely enough, this morning on the bus, I wasn't worried or upset or anything. I just felt this incredible surge of energy and sense of purpose. That whether I succeed or fail, this is it.

This system is for the use of authorized users only. Individuals using this computer system without authority or in the excess of their authority are subject to having all their activities on this system monitored and recorded by system personnel. In the course of monitoring individuals improperly using this system or in the course of system maintenance, the activities of authorized user may also be monitored. Anyone using this system expressly consents to such monitoring and is advised that if such monitoring reveals possible evidence of illegal activity or violation of University regulations system personnel may provide the evidence of such monitoring to University authorities and/or law enforcement officials.

*click click click GRIND*

This one seems to be some sort of code producing machine. You put stimulants in it and code comes out.

This is pointless to even write. Like an out of body experience i can see myself breaking. I never did handle stress well.

I've been pretty filled with rage and anger lately... I dunno how much of that is due to stimulants or if I have a reason to be angry.

The academic adviser caught me in the hallway when i was showing up late... again. He told me to smile cause there's only 2 weeks left... I told him that was exactly why I haven't been smiling.

I need to be faster I need to push my brain harder. I need to eat more stimulants so I can get everything done. It's only 2 weeks. I'm sure my body can handle the extra strain. It's been surviving so far...
I cant
fuck
neurons are just transistors anyway, just multi input gates
i just need to overclock my brain more
fucking make those transistors burn
push the amps to the rails

I R AN AUTOMATON

I dont even know why I am writing this
I can't rationalize the time I'm spending to type this
dsf;dfhdsflajfads;fdlhfdjflhgfds;hljflk;ej;hehlafh

Atlas Shrugged is quite possibly the hardest book I have ever read.
It contains such profound concepts that you really have to read carefully and think hard about them so they sink in. I really enjoyed reading it and it even made me cry at one or two parts. And the end was magnificent!
I honestly think that if everyone in america lived by the principals in that book, the world would be a better place.

As for school stuff, we are within the last 3 weeks.
So! I have to finish the 3d multiplayer tank game with my group. The group is getting along well and I like my team members. We are making good progress. I still need to finish my chemical plant control software (and manual and report) and in web development I need to finish the power plant operator website. Ohh and I need to finish some DMAC labs and write an OS for my micro controller.

I also have almost all the electronics components I will ever need. And a fluke DVM and a couple more routers switches print-servers and miscellaneous stuff. And an antistatic mat. All I really need now is an oscilloscope. And I need to build a variable voltage power supply.

I dunno if I'm catching something or if it's the stress and lack of sleep but I've had no apatite lately. And it's taking at least 2 energy drinks to get through the day these days. (or a couple hydroxicut cause that's the only other caffeine thing I could find and I was in a hurry). And that nicotine gum, and the other prescription stimulants I am constantly on.

Also, me and a friend have made some possible insight on my depression and what seems to trigger it. And I seem to be happier when I get to voice chat with people while I am relaxing.

umm... I have 2.5 hours to sleep before I have to go into work...
so this will have to be sufficient

there is never enough time.

I'm reading atlas shrugged when I can, I'm most of the way through it. It is way deeper than I anticipated and reading it in small doses also helps to let some of the concepts sink in.

Temperature sensor was finished and it works nice and is waterproof.

Work doesn't want me taking more days off, but I have so many projects because of school and I keep falling behind. I am going to demand some days off (again) and if they won't give me them I will not show up.
Because my priority is school and with the skills I have I could get a better paying job elsewhere or even just do some contract work.

And this entry is really short because I'm about to be kicked out of the lab because there is another class coming in.

PS remember when I mentioned I helped someone at my store by fixing the router that handled electronic transactions?
The manager gave me a gift certificate, and it felt really good. :3

Oops.
Forgot to mention something.
I found out the other day that one of my friends might be in a lot of trouble. Apparently he got mixed up with "the wrong crowd" and then ended up pissing a lot of them off.
And he seems to have dropped off the face of the earth, got fired from work, isn't answering phone or text, doesn't have anywhere to live and is roaming around with a tent (from all the info I could gather).
So I don't even know if he is alive or not. And that makes me sad. And worried.
I hope he is ok, cause he's a really good guy. :(

Also, I hope Katie is ok, cause I haven't heard from her for a while now... (last I heard, she was having some problems too, though not quite the same ones)