6 posts tagged “school”
So much has happened since my last entry.
I wasn't going to write this today, but a friend asked me to so I decided I'd give it a try.
First though, as followup to my last journal, it wasn't IRC or gmail that was increasing my phone bill. It's actually just that annoying access fee thing for 911 and stuff.
School went... well... basically how I expected it to. I failed two of my classes, one of which was calculus. (Technically I failed another class but I got credit in it once I showed my university transcript). Programming... well, I sort of didn't do the assignments. I aced the exams, but because I hadn't done the assignments, I didn't pass.
I met with my academic advisor and we went over my possibilities. And I'll be taking a reduced course load over the next few semesters.
During exam week, I met someone amazing. She cooks really good steak. My parents got so pissed off that I stayed over at her house. I hate how they restrict my freedom. They won't let me stay over with her... it sucks cause I was only going to cuddle her as we slept. I found out how much I love holding someone in my arms while I sleep. Cuddling is very awesome.
She is also the only person, as far as I know, that I can be with and not need to be on the internet while I'm with her. The first few times I went to her place I brought my laptop but I didn't bother opening it so I don't bring it these days. Also, I've been told I'm very talented at lovemaking (yay! atleast I'm naturally good at something. XD ). (Apparently, my fingers are incredibly skilled too! :O I'm very proud)
Now that I found out about school stuff, I'll be taking extra hours at work, so I may have a weird schedule at times.
Had a wisdom tooth pulled last monday. My last one gets pulled this upcoming monday. Hung out with my friend Kuna for most of the week. One day we went to the West Edmonton Mall. They are filming a movie there which is kind of neat. It's the biggest mall in the world and it is really awesome. Of course, neither of us did any shopping (and until I get more hours at work, I can't afford much shopping) but we looked at all kinds of stores and had a great time.
On friday, we walked around the city (I also took her to a restaurant called death by chocolate... it was soooooo good) and then went to some hiking trails in a forest. It was very pretty and I really enjoyed exploring. We had lots of fun. And I took tons of pics.
This is really what I've needed. To get my ass off the internet and interact with real people. Well... not just any people... just her. And I can hardly wait till I get to see her next. She's shown me parts of the city I never even knew existed. She is so incredibly wonderful. I'm really glad I met her.
err... I know there is TONS of stuff I forgot to mention. But maybe later, when I remember, I'll add it.
I have either got allergies or a cold. Either way, I am stuffed up. But hopefully I'll be less stuffed up soon.
Also, my server makes me happy. I did a tiny bit more code on it (really simplistic) but I'm happy about the uptime.
$ uptime
10:54PM up 414 days, 7:19, 5 users, load averages: 0.00, 0.00, 0.00
Now for a teensy bit of feelings:
.longing.
As I lay here in bed, alone
I miss her.
I miss her warmth,
her scent.
I miss her warm lips
pressed against mine.
I miss the way her black hair
brushes across my face.
I miss gazing into her deep brown eyes,
losing myself in their beautiful depths.
I miss the way she burrows into me,
snuggling up close,
laying her head on my chest.
I miss how it feels to hold her close,
to caress her soft, delicate skin.
I miss her warm breath,
as it caresses my neck.
I miss holding her while she sleeps.
Date: March 1st, 2007
Mood: cold, apathetic
I'd almost swear I was a sinusoidal function or something.
Lastnight
Well, I had code to write. But I was missing someone. A lot. But I promised a friend I wouldn't be emo because it was hurting him. And I really didn't feel up to doing anything. So I took the stuff that helps me sleep again, hoping it would calm me, and it helped, but not enough. So I got my bottle of Jack Daniels out and had a glass of it. This helped even more and soon I was singing along with 80's songs!
Now, as for the coding... I have successfully written code while drunk before. But I was feeling artistic so I cropped and resized some photos instead! But then I was tired so I went to bed instead and didn't actually get around to coding.
Food
Food hasn't really interested me lately. I'm barely eating and when I do, it is not particularly healthy (I seem to only be able to force myself to eat tiny amounts of chocolate). Actually, a lot of things haven't interested me lately. I didn't feel like waking up earlier so I missed my first class and now, I'm seriously considering hanging out at the mall instead of going to math.
Mental health
lol, more like the lack thereof. I'm not entirely sure what is going on, nor do I want to speculate why I've become like this. And I don't want anyone else jumping to conclusions either. I dunno, everything just feels pointless lately.
Giving up
I dunno, I guess that seems like the best way to describe how I feel. I feel like I've pretty much given up on everything.
I'm not really the type to lie online, so I won't say I'm happy, but I'm not emo or depressed or anything, so don't worry about me.
Sleep
I thought I slept well, but I guess I didn't. I kept falling asleep on the bus. I don't think I'll go to the mall, I think I'll just sleep through math-class instead.
And I still need help on that laplace stuff.
lying to myself
no matter how much I convince myself otherwise, everything I do is for selfish reasons, and I'd like to apologize to everyone about that.
I just got myself some coffee in hopes it will perk me up.
I don't know how I keep writing these entries.
February 28th, 2007
Mood: happy to be alive, affectionate.
Weather
Nice and bright, a little chilly though.
Being ignored
Oops. I was wrong. She wasn't ignoring me at all. I am sorry for jumping to conclusions.
Being emo
Lately I've been kinda down and emo-ish. Sorry about that too. I'm feeling pretty good so far though today.
Update on pain
It seems to have gone away for now. I slept REALLY solidly lastnight because of the meds, and I think that helped. Also had a scaldingly hot shower which loosened my muscles a little bit, I think.
School
Well, I really need to drop english. And I missed the deadline on one code project and the other one is due today, but I haven't felt up to attempting it yet.
myspace
I got my myspace blog ( http://blog.myspace.com/nikuramon ) colored the way I like. I am pleased about this. Also, I got an ICQ # 372780591. Anyone that uses it should add me.
Art
Well, as I mentioned, I was working on some poetry and a story. I plan on continuing them and maybe uploading them.
I also charged all 4 sets of batteries for my camera. My memory card (1gb)
was full, so I formatted it (after making multiple backups of all pictures on it). What I'm saying is that I have made all preparations to take pictures, and I fully intend to.
Laplace transforms
...uh... I haven't payed any attention to the classes where he taught this, so if someone out there is good with laplace transforms for solving differential equations, please help!
February, 14th, 2007.
Mood: Energetic/refreshed/excited
The end of one era...
...the beginning of another
Weather:
(omfg wait. This dude in goth/punk clothes got on the bus. And although he isn't that good looking, the black with metal look is pretty cool. But his shoes! OMFG! They are huge and omfg so sexy! *drools* They are very bulky and I dunno why they are so hot)
It's about -35 degrees Celsius with the windchill. It is pretty windy and there is a lot of blowing snow. I was thinking of going across to the mall today during my spare to get a haircut but... heh, I may just choose to stay inside.
School:
Well, after writing my midterm in electronics and being pretty confident that I failed, I was surprised to find that I actually got 60% (or is that a 66%? I can't read his writing). We were allowed to bring in a double sided sheet with whatever formulas we wanted to use. Of course, I forgot, but a good friend had taken notes on the course electronically (these notes were amazing), and we printed them out and managed to fit four highly relevant pages of notes on there. This saved my ass and I really owe him. Unfortunately, he didn't do so well on the test.
The blogosphere:
So I technically have three blogs. My vox blog, my livejournal, and my blog. However, I usually cross post to ALL the sites I'm on.
I'm considering a different format.
I'm going to try posting my blogs on the blog sites and link to them in my artsite journals. The artsite journals will probably contain more relevant info to the specific site I'm on. I'll also post the tags that I think the blog falls under so you know if you are interested or not.
You can leave comments on these blogs at any of the places where I post them.
Oh! I'm also on del.icio.us, which, if you don't know, is sort of a bookmark sharing community thing. http://del.icio.us/nikuramon. I'll link neat stuff there, check it out sometimes. You can probably also subscribe to an atom or rss feed of some of my blogs, if you need more information of how, let me know.
Social networking:
I've joined a couple new sites and updated my info on some older ones.
It's always been my opinion that the internets greatest resource is the people who use it. Not just read the information, but actually choose to add to it.
I feel connected, do you?
Hacking:
Picked up the newer issue of 2600 cause I'm dumb and forgot it came out. Sometimes I get lost in my own little world. But luckily a friend reminded me!
--niku
January 16th, 2007.
8:05 am
Mood: meh
Tired.
So very very tired.
Whiny/emo stuff that no one really cares about so I dunno why I'm including it but whatever:
Sometimes I wish I could be a computer. A cold, emotionless, logical box. As opposed to inhabiting this fragile mortal coil. Logic is beautiful. It is predictable. My reasoning and thoughts are so very easily influenced by minor chemical changes. Given identical data sets, I can arrive at many different conclusions simply due to my mood. Computers don't get tired. My server is nearing 300 days of uptime and it hasn't complained. It hasn't written whiny journals. It hasn't procrastinated, nor has it agonized over relationships.
But, without emotions, I doubt life would be worth living. Without experiencing the depths of suffering, the euphoric highs would be meaningless. Without emotion, I wouldn't even feel those highs.
I guess what prompted this was how I felt this morning. I just didn't see the point of getting out of bed. I've been pretty snappy and irritable lately too. I often compare myself with a sinusoidal function. My mood has a tendency to change frequently. It is hard to describe how I feel right now. Currently, I'm having difficulty focusing on anything at all. I have basically no motivation what so ever. I feel incredibly tired yet restless at the same time. I don't want to be around people, but I don't want to be alone. It sorta feels like depression, but I feel too numb, too blank at the moment to be certain.
I haven't been doing my homework. I -know- better than this. I keep telling myself I'll do it, but I don't. I haven't been paying attention in class. Why am I paying to be here when I don't even care anymore? At my current rate, I won't complete the program.
I don't want to work in produce all my life; I don't want to be in school. I want to work with computers and networking equipment. But every day, it just gets harder and harder to get up.
