4 posts tagged “tired”
Date: March 9th, 2007
Mood: bored, tired, a little lonely
Another beautiful and warm day. I overslept again but I didn't miss anything important. I couldn't find my sunglasses (the magnetic ones) but I found the cool looking ones so I'm wearing them.
I was right about the way I felt yesterday. As soon as I sat down to do work, I stared blankly until I just felt like laying down.
I have tonight off. which is kinda nice, except I don't really have anything planned except that I don't want to be sitting infront of my computer all night. I want to go out, but I encounter two minor setbacks. One is that sitting in a club alone probably would make me feel worse so I need to find someone to go with, and the other problem is I don't drive. I have driven before and know how to, but I've never gotten around to being road tested yet. And even if I had, I don't have anything to drive. (Nor could I afford fuel and insurance for that matter.)
This becomes a problem because although there are many busses in edmonton during the day, there aren't really any I can take at 3 or 4 in the morning.
I really need to get out though so I'll have to see what I can arrange.
Saturday doesn't look promising for going out because I have to work and on Sunday, I should be studying for a midterm.
I am hoping that by doing something tonight, I'll be able to relax and then I'll be able to focus better. But unless I can find someone to hang out with, I'm screwed.
Date: March 1st, 2007
Mood: cold, apathetic
I'd almost swear I was a sinusoidal function or something.
Lastnight
Well, I had code to write. But I was missing someone. A lot. But I promised a friend I wouldn't be emo because it was hurting him. And I really didn't feel up to doing anything. So I took the stuff that helps me sleep again, hoping it would calm me, and it helped, but not enough. So I got my bottle of Jack Daniels out and had a glass of it. This helped even more and soon I was singing along with 80's songs!
Now, as for the coding... I have successfully written code while drunk before. But I was feeling artistic so I cropped and resized some photos instead! But then I was tired so I went to bed instead and didn't actually get around to coding.
Food
Food hasn't really interested me lately. I'm barely eating and when I do, it is not particularly healthy (I seem to only be able to force myself to eat tiny amounts of chocolate). Actually, a lot of things haven't interested me lately. I didn't feel like waking up earlier so I missed my first class and now, I'm seriously considering hanging out at the mall instead of going to math.
Mental health
lol, more like the lack thereof. I'm not entirely sure what is going on, nor do I want to speculate why I've become like this. And I don't want anyone else jumping to conclusions either. I dunno, everything just feels pointless lately.
Giving up
I dunno, I guess that seems like the best way to describe how I feel. I feel like I've pretty much given up on everything.
I'm not really the type to lie online, so I won't say I'm happy, but I'm not emo or depressed or anything, so don't worry about me.
Sleep
I thought I slept well, but I guess I didn't. I kept falling asleep on the bus. I don't think I'll go to the mall, I think I'll just sleep through math-class instead.
And I still need help on that laplace stuff.
lying to myself
no matter how much I convince myself otherwise, everything I do is for selfish reasons, and I'd like to apologize to everyone about that.
I just got myself some coffee in hopes it will perk me up.
I don't know how I keep writing these entries.
Halloween... *yawn* I'm so tired. Thirsty too.
You know when you have a best friend and you love talking to her and simply hearing her voice can make a completely detestable day become wonderful, and then things happen and you can't talk to them much... well... it sucks and makes me sad, but I'll be ok.
Can't remember the last time I had a day off, the last time I got to sleep in. ...shit, just remembered I promised a friend I'd go to his house tonight.
I messed around with my phone. I can now use it to connect my mac to the internet. I should have stayed home today to sleep.
...z.z zzzZZZ
Something awesome happened yesterday. I was showing my deviantArt to a friend and he went, "oh, you like that guys art too? He has some good stuff." I was shocked and said, "lol, that's me". lol, I really never expected to meet anyone that liked my art in real life.
So many people are being very loving and I like that. I love it when I can just relax and be myself. I'm very affectionate and loving... it's just how I am. I have such awesome friends.
My midterm went ok. Although I've really not been getting nearly enough sleep, I still managed to be awake during most of it. Fell asleep a few times and scribbled a bit. But got a 75% on the test. I was very surprised.
Still tossing around the videoblog idea. I'll likely make atleast one.
My rail of IC's came in. 25 quad NAND gates, 14 dip. Breadboard fun is imminent.
Finished my programming lab this morning on the bus. Still trying to catch up with the rest of my assignments. It's getting so hard to wake up these mornings. I really need to catch up on sleep. Apparently, I need to work on time management.
Now for slightly negative musings:
It pisses me off so much. My job, that is. I work harder, but they only care when I mess up or don't work hard enough. And because of my job, I'm busy when my friends are free. And when I'm free, my friends are busy. And none of my 'in real life' friends are in to cuddling. Or hugging. Or being spontaneous. I need some physical contact.
And some people need to have good days. But they have bad ones. They deserve so much better. I hope things become better for them.
Communication is so important to me. I could really use some good conversation. Or even just rambling, I love talking on the phone/skype for hours.
I am so very tired. I think I may nap for the rest of this class.
Talk to you guys later. <3
